Do you panic or feel hopelessly overwhelmed when life gets crazy busy? Relax, that’s normal. And here’s the good news: There’s one simple thing you can do to sooth your nerves and regain your sense of wellbeing.

Does Your Life Look Like This?

On the one hand, you’ve got kids, school meetings and sports; on the other, there’s your aging parents, who may be facing medical issues and need help. And then there is you, juggling chores like plates you must keep in the air, only to see them fall and shatter at your feet. Again, this is totally normal, considering that life is constant chaos with only occasional moments of order. And yet, there’s one simple thing you can do to regain solid ground and restore balance in the midst of frenzy.

How Does it Stem From Childhood?

Let’s take a quick trip back to your childhood. Most of us are raised to serve others, to take care of our parents’ and siblings’ needs first, before our own. You’re subject to the voices of well-meaning parents fueled by the adrenaline that comes from their own survival anxiety.  “I need you to sit still, it’s quiet time.” “You must listen to me, I know best.” “No, you cannot do, touch, eat, or watch that – otherwise you’re grounded!”

These negative commands are deeply imprinted in our minds, but what’s missing from these memories is the awareness that ever since we were little humans, we had our own needs and wants that deserved to be acknowledged and addressed, but never were. So no wonder we grow up completely detached from our own inner voice of awareness.

What Do I Want Now?

But now, as an adult, you have the chance to liberate yourself from the pain of childhood and reconnect with your true sense of self. And it starts with a simple self-inquiry: “What do I want now? What’s fair? What works for me?”

At first, when you ask these questions, you may feel your mind smirk and come back at you with: “I wanna teleport to some remote island and soak my feet in the warm sea with an umbrella drink in my lazy hand.” Whatever response you get, immediately agree with it, validate your overwhelm, and before it evolves into full-blown resentment against your family, say, “I hear you. You deserve all of this and more, and we can start planning your getaway soon.

But for now, since you do love your kids and parents, let’s make things work for both you and the family.” Why is this self-validation so crucial? Because when you acknowledge your own value and importance and that your needs matter too, to you, then you exhale in relief, anxiety dissolves, and you can address whatever task is at hand rationally.

Of course, we never stop caring about the people we love – we just become one of these people. We include ourselves in a circle of love and care, becoming just as worthy as anyone else.

That way, you find a compromise that works for both them and you. Let’s say your parents need groceries, but you feel overwhelmed with too much to do. Ask yourself, “What do I want? What’s fair to me? What would work for me?” You start brainstorming. “I can do a full grocery shopping on Sunday afternoon after Jack’s (your son) basketball game, but for now, I can use Amazon Fresh to get milk and eggs delivered; or I can ask my sister to help; or is it time for me to consider hiring help, or…?” You enter a negotiation phase with your mind until you find a compromise that works for both you and your parents.

Include Yourself in the List of People You Love

Try it! Keep bringing yourself into the circle of people you love and care about. The more you do it, the easier it gets, leaving you feeling validated and loved – not only by others, but by yourself.