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"Common Self-Statements That Are Unrealistic"by Katherine Agranovich, DNH, PHD (c)1. Anxiety and depression can develop from the belief that we are helpless and have no control over our experiences and feelings. Based on "Rational Emotional Theory" any environmental events get processed through cognitions or perceptions which result in our personal interpretation self-talk with a following emotional-physical response. 2. Since people are fragile, they should never be hurt. This irrational and unrealistic self-statement could result in developing a relationship conflict, based on unspoken feelings, desires and emotions. "Self-sacrifice" of not expressing self in order to keep the person "safe" and "unhurt" could trigger feelings of frustration, low self-esteem and helplessness. 3. Mutual sacrifice and the belief that it is better to give than receive will establish a good relationship. In reality, however, this idea can cause a reluctance to meet personal needs and result in bitterness and withdrawal. It is a good idea to ask for the things which are important to us. 4. If we don't go to great lengths to please others, they will refuse and abandon us. This idea could be triggered by low self-esteem and result in "playing it safe" and keeping our guard on. 5. When others disapprove of us, it means we are bad or did something wrong. Generalization of one's fault to a total indictment of the self can start anxiety and chronic depression. 6. Our pleasures, happiness, and inner fulfillment can occur in the presence of others and not when we are alone. The truth is that all happiness can be achieved when we are alone; since happiness is an internal process. Being alone produces self-growth and development. 7. We, as humans, should not experience any pain. Accepting the fact that pain is a normal part of life can save us from many unrealistic expectations. Through painful experiences and sufferings we grow and develop internally. 8. There is perfect love or perfect relationship. We need to realize that nothing or nobody is perfect in life. Expecting perfection from another human being or relationship could result in resentfulness and loneliness. 9. Our personal worth depends on how much we earn and achieve. The real human worth comes from living fully, sharing love with others and experiencing all human emotion at its fullest. 10. Anger is destructive, evil and bad. In reality anger is a healthy expression of emotion as long as it does not attack another person's worth and security. In other words, anger does not become aggression. 11. Selfishness is not appropriate. No one else knows our needs and wants better than us. Since we are responsible for our own happiness, we also are responsible for fulfilling our wants and needs.
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